Meeting other single women has become a daunting task for millions of single men. Some men were married for many years, then divorced, and lost their confidence with their dating skills. There are many reasons why this is, but generally its because it is outside the man’s comfort zone. However, lets dig a little deeper. Some men are looking to meet other singles for the wrong reasons.

Too often I’ve heard men tell me that they felt “lonely”, “empty”, or “like I’m a loser if I don’t have a girlfriend.”

These are certainly not healthy reasons to want to meet a woman, date her, and then hopefully take it to the next level. Why?

Because they they’ll behave in needy ways that will cause her to lose attraction. Even worse, they may end up dating the wrong kind of woman thinking “this is the best I can do.” I’ve met so many men who were in very unhappy marriages simply because they settled. Many of them told me that “it was the right thing to do” or “I was in my mid-30s, so it was about time I got married.”

These are not good reasons to go out and find a single woman. If you are coming from a place of neediness or desperation or wanting to fill some kind of empty void inside your soul, then you’re not ready

to start looking for anything serious. So what’s the solution? Well, there is no real blueprint to follow on what to do because all men learn things in different ways. As men we do not evolve and change and grow at the same rate.

I will use myself as an example because many years ago I fell into this trap. During my early college years I was desperate to find a girlfriend. I met many single women on campus at the Univeristy I attended, but because I was incredibly shy I didn’t know how to seal the deal. It was frustrating because all my male friends had girlfriends. I was the only one

who did not have one. Then one day it occurred to me that I wanted to have a girlfriend for all the wrong reasons. I realized at that moment that you attract what you are. At that point in my life my confidence and self-esteem were at an all time low. I had to be honest with myself. What girl would ever want me in my current emotional, mental, and physical condition?

I realized that I needed and wanted to improve myself on every level that I could. It wasn’t so I could attract another girl either. I did it for me. As cheezy as it sounds that was the first day

I truly learned to like myself. Almost on auto pilot I gradually became more social. I joined several clubs on campus and attended their social events such as dances, barbecues, beach clean ups, bike rides, etc. I enrolled in a dance class and then the following two semesters I took a martial art called Aikido which taught me how to relax and live in the moment (which is a very important element in happiness). I began exercising 3 to 5 times a week. I made sure that exercise was fun by playing basketball, tennis, and joining fitness groups that also liked to workout. I even went on a 100 mile bike ride with a large bike-riding group.

Sure, I did these things to meet people, practice my social muscles, but I also did it to improve myself. I didn’t want a woman to “complete” me. I wanted to be complete when I met her and that dating one another was simply an added bonus for both of us. Before I knew it several months had passed and my friends and family began to take notice. They said I was happier, in better shape, and believe it or not, I had several women open me for a change. We exchanged pleasantries but I never asked for their phone number. I didn’t need it. I wasn’t at that place

in my life where I “had” to be with someone. I was having way too much fun with my new and old friends, meeting new people, improving myself, and taking on new adventures.

That’s the evolution of being single.

If you watch television, the movies, or even talk to people in your everyday life you’ll notice if you’re single people ask you “are you married?” or “do you have a girlfriend?”. I see it a lot in the media. We’ve been conditioned to think and feel that being single is not a good thing, when in reality the reverse is true. If you can be happy and fulfilled being single and want to meet

other singles because it will add to your life then that’s a sure sign that you have evolved into a mature, healthy male; that’s the kind of man that attracts with women with very little effort.